Releasing Mythologies around Self-Esteem.by Lawrence Lanoff author of the book A Course in Freedom
So ..what is Self-Esteem? There are so many directions that this questoion could go … for it all depends on the place at which you look at yourself … for the particular experience of the question. Many teachers speak of asking the question "who am I?" And in a way, as long as there is an answer at all to that question … you are trapped. Self-esteem has to do with … recognition patterns … fields of interpretation that the physical form must do in order to interpret an infinite expansive reality.
The infinite expansive reality is that reality … that cannot be contained or formed … and so if you can allow yourself to expand far enough outside of the form to the point where you are beyond … the individual expression of the form … you can find yourself … in a kind of freedom. But the freedom is not dependent upon … the forged identity filter … that the object that we call body … must use to filter … it is nearly impossible for said body to not filter.
And so, teachers often send students to places and in directions where they will fail to see … the Illusion. And the only benefit of the perspective of the Illusion … is to see through the … body form into the inevitable falling apart … and preceding back into the oceans from which it emerges.
What is called self-esteem is actually … nothing more than survival filters and mechanisms, and if we stand back far enough, we see that all reactions are related to … issues of an animal … or a plant … that is trying to make its way … through a hostile, or potentially hostile, landscape.
But if you stand back enough, the entire life form could be compared to "seaweed" being taken by the currents of the ocean … simply moving and responding to whatever comes its way. But it is the need to find patterns in the responses to the currents that becomes the issue. And so what is described as self-esteem are simply organizational patterns that have concretized into the flesh and the body into the form … into the networks and patterns of existence.
And so, if it were possible to just be like seaweed responding … what one would call happiness, would, of course, be ever-present because the act of simply responding without a story is very freeing. So this tool … the esteem of the self … can help one begin to discern the patterns that underlie the actions and vibrations of the equation that is formulated in response to the changing circumstances, moment to moment.
But the difference between a human being and seaweed is that the seaweed just responds. But the human stores and records, and looks for patterns … and if the patterns don't fit, the human will make patterns and make things fit where there is no fitting.
And as for Reality...we could say that reality is simply the cobbling together of pattern-recognition to some form to facilitate what could be called survival.
But but this is nothing more than a field of patterns. And most people will never see that their entire life is defined by patterns that they carry with them. Because it is next to impossible to see the pattern from within the pattern. The only way to see the pattern is to step outside of the pattern, which is next to impossible unless you surf to the edges of awareness – of existence … of consciousness … as you do when experiencing my workshops & courses.
As we expand, the grip upon what is called esteem of self ~ is loosened … crashed … broken … destroyed. This is the goal. And it only happens … through expansion. Because if we can see ourselves and the futility of this life … and we speak of futility as that there is a delusion within the human mind that somehow you will survive this life. And that if we brace ourselves with enough objects … and enough things … that we will somehow be saved or protected. That somehow we will … be beyond … and move into a place of … a delusion that humans love to call eternal life.
Of course, your life is no more or less eternal than anything else that exists in that respect. Everything is eternal, and … nothing is eternal. But the bolstering of objects and things, and … items … are misunderstood, yet they are linked to an idea of eternity.
In physical space … time … money is very helpful in maneuvering … but when the body is gone, there is no relationship to that. And eventually – given enough time – all things will return … to what humans call source. But it is not source in the sense that you use the word, but source as in the … fundamental elements or building blocks of life.
Our biggest delusion can be that we are going to live forever. And this makes us bolster up our lives and pretend to be bigger than you are … because the sense of vulnerability … must be embraced completely in order to experience total freedom. In this respect, you cannot truly live until you die. And even death itself … is to some degree, a hallucination.
It is a hallucination in the sense that even death … is not reality. Does the moon die when you do not see it? Or is it simply not seen? The very ideas that you operate from … that you construct from … are incorrect. And suffice to say, that death and the idea of death, is no more than an idea. It is incorrect.
And because people do not come back from this death to tell you about this … all the perceptions are inaccurate.
As we strip away the sense of self from mythology … we can sit in the nothingness of knowing nothing … the Simplicity-ness!
This can lead us to the question ~ what are we? And what happens to us when we die? Let us step aside from any beliefs that our parents may have put into our heads … not the memories that we have from our childhood and not the stories we were taught from the church … and if we are brave enough to let all that go … will we have a knowing of what we are… and what about "Awareness"?
The idea that there is an awareness is a delusion in itself. Awareness is nothing more than a different form of mythology that there is something beyond that which sustains us. So our Awareness that we are seeking is nothing more than asking for a different name for a Creator. And if that is the reality that you are seeking, there are so many ways in which you can find and tap that reality, but it is not more the reality than a reality, which is no reality.
See, the subtlety of still seeking outside ourselves … we just want to call it a different name … and we are entitled to call it whatever we wish, but to see that all we have really done is slightly changed the name and shifted the attention … but are fundamentally asking the same question, which is incorrect to begin with. Because it is based upon the idea of an ultimate reality. And so who is to decide that ultimate reality? And all that we even speak or think about, are only things that we have inherited, and even the idea that has just been expressed is nothing more than an inherited idea that is not even my words.
So the thought ~ I want to know what happens when I die. Do I cease to exist? Do I cease to have awareness? … seems the cruelest joke of all … to be created … where you have awareness, then the awareness goes away.
But the whole perspective that we are looking at … is still within a mythological conundrum … in fact, it is still within a perspective – or construct. Because a joke needs an operator. We cannot have a joke without a subject and an object.
And to assume the joke is to assume the subject or the object. So a cruel joke would relate to the idea that there is a Creator who operates in a cruel universe. The whole structure of this kind of thinking is still related to pain and suffering … cruelty … pain … suffering … cruelty. As if there was someone or something that exists in the outside realm that is beyond what you are. And all you are doing is seeking endlessly to name it something else.
And so we can say that we let go of mythology and story … but his in itself is a mythology … it's an idea … some little sweet that we can give ourselves to maybe make us feel good. Because what you are really feeling is a tremendous amount of pain, and you are trying to find an explanation for that pain. And so we can continue to seek for something outside of ourselves that basically turns its back on us. And so the cruelest joke – as we could say – would be to let us have an experience of pain … do nothing to help us, and then snuff that experience out.
But this is still a construct, and it shows you how difficult it is to extract yourself. Even though our intellect – our smartness – has extracted us to some degree, the very inner structures of the sponge that we are that has absorbed the thinking of ignorance continues to infiltrate your being.
The thing that every human being wants to know is who they are … why they are here … and what happens to them after they are not here … who am I? Where did I come from … and where am I going? And most any conscious being … and when we say conscious, we mean aware … has asked this question since it saw patterns in the sky … or death … or pain … came the questions. In this respect, nothing has changed … for millions pf years.
The only difference is the lights are turning on and off at ever increasing speed. But the questions and the stories, and the methods for protection against … a deadly physical universe continue to be passed generation to generation.
I'd like to say in closing that it is so beneficial to be connected to a group that offers mirroring, that creates a sense of family and safety such as the energy of the group that exists in my workshops/courses. In order to have a meaningful life in your time here … it is important to have connection … camaraderie, friendship, communication, safety. The ability to be around others and trust that they will not kill you, and you will not kill them. To sit together in supportive manner … and to share that support … and come into well-being. It is through very simple things in life … that meaning arises … and group is a safe space that you can even call home. Because it can be more of a home … and more familiar … than even one's own home.
The commitment and support of the group … is like having a team of people who are climbing a mountain, but are not climbing alone, but are reaching their hands up to the person behind … to help them along the way … and one person's breakthrough is another person's breakthrough. And in a way, the group is a lot like … scaling the side of a mountain of ice … and you realize that without the support and love, and help, and compassion … and tenderness of others … you are stuck … even frozen.
And so the energy of the group can be both comforting … and sublime … surrounding yourself with people who share similar commitment, or value … is the importance of the family … that one could even use a mythological term of spiritual family, which simply refers to … that which is beyond the family origin, but holds safe and sacred space … for intimacy, vulnerability, and unfolding.
And the more you can be in your intimacy and vulnerability … and unfolding … the happier this life is for you. And if you notice that though there may be many rocky roads through the space of the group … the feeling in your heart is always more full. There's always more of a sense of love and be loved … peace …
If there is one thing that we can embrace … it is this energy … this energy is infinite and expansive … , it can help expand and open your consciousness … to the freedom … of infinite expansion … and this is my desire for all.
